Finding Value in the Me God Made

Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and wonder who you really are? Sometimes, okay often, I stop and wonder exactly that. I wonder how people really see me, what will I be remembered for, why would anyone even like me? I remember being told once that for every negative comment you need something like 7 positives to fix it. I know personally that it only takes one comment to ruin my day or even make me question my own worth. You know...that well meaning family member that wonders if you've been stressed lately because you've gained weight, the person the de-friended you on social media, the lady that thinks you're weird because you home schooled your kids, the commercial that tries to convince you you're not fine the way you are, and on and on it goes.

I face my own war daily with myself. I do realize that it's not healthy and that the things questioning my self-worth are all lies, but it's not enough to just know that. Somehow I need to believe it. That's easier some days than others. The days I am home spending time with my family boost my image of myself. Listening to my teenager tell me she's thankful she can talk to me about anything, hearing my six year old tell me she loves me more than anything except God and Jesus, my eleven year old who wants to cuddle up with me as much as I give her time for, the husband that shows appreciation for the meal I made, all make me feel valued because someone else is showing interest in me. But what about the next day when you try the new recipe that flops, you don't have your daughter's favorite outfit clean, or you're too busy with paying bills and doing laundry that you can't give extra time to the kids or even your husband? You see the problem is I've let my self-worth become directly connected to other people in some way. So many days I've convinced myself that I'm only valuable if I make others happy and satisfied in some way. Until I get my mind out of this pattern of thinking, I will continue this war I've waged with myself where I am both my adversary and ally. So what do I do?

Sift the truth from the lies. The fact is I am loved. Regardless of any mistakes I make, I know there are people around me that love me if I take the time to recognize their acts of love toward me. Besides that my worth lies in my Creator. I am made in His image (Gen. 1:26-27). Not only I, but everyone around me. We are in the image of the same Creator which means my value is the same as everyone else's.

Find forgiveness. "As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." (Psalm 103:12) God is waiting for everyone to come to Him, and we can start each day made new. A wise mentor in my life told me to keep short accounts with God. I mess up, I stumble, I fail, but nothing is beyond the forgiveness of God. My wrongs are no more or less than anyone's. I have experienced personal renewal when I go before my God and give over my load of junk. My conscience is clear, my heart is without burden, and I have demonstrated a trust in Him alone, not other people.

Someone sacrificed a life for me. One of the most popular verses of all time is John 3:16, but the message will NEVER change. God loved us ALL, loved ME, so much the He sent Jesus, His Son, to die for us, to die for ME. I am ashamed to admit that I don't demonstrate enough thankfulness for this sacrifice, that I don't share enough of His sacrifice for everyone around me. This great sacrifice, my trust in the One that gave Himself for me, has secured my eternity!

I write this message for myself, but I am thankful if it helps someone else, too. God is my redeemer, He values me, and I need to surrender in this war from both sides and realize that this war I've waged is without merit. I will not give Satan a foothold into my self-worth. "For I am His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that I would walk in them." (Ephesians 2:10)

Changing

Growing up I was always the first to jump at opportunities. Always an extrovert looking to make new friends, go to events, hang out with groups...you get the idea. I didn't want to miss anything.

I don't know what it is. Is it getting older? Increased responsibilities at home? Tired from working? No longer do I want 'out' as much as I formerly did. I enjoy being home. I don't want to spend time on the phone. Facebook has been perfect because I can still know what people do without leaving my couch.

I also have experienced a lot of hurts in my life. Hurts from people that are supposed to care, supposed to be my friends, my family. I think in other ways that has made me prefer to be more alone. My enjoyment is found with my girls, being home with my own family. I have tired of trying to understand people. I don't want any more disappointments. I don't want to explain myself or try to figure out why people can't accept me as I am.

Well I suppose this seems a depressing blog! There are days that I am. I just keep talking to God even when no one else wants to listen. No explanations are needed for Him. He already knows. Maybe someday my faith in humanity will be restored. Maybe I will enjoy the way I once was. For now I will try to find peace with how I have changed.

A Perfect Mom

Another year is beginning....today.

I am looking forward to another year of Hearts at Home in March! This year's theme is 'No More Perfect Moms'. I understand the idea behind that, but here are my thoughts about that.

A Perfect Mom

A perfect mom

is able to jump out of bed in a single bound when she hears a crash downstairs

knows that a quiet house is not a good sign

can feel as defeated as her daughter over algebra homework

cries with her children when someone hurts their feelings

yells at the careless driver on the road for endangering the lives of her precious cargo

successfully hides a stash of chocolate in her room because it's not good for the kids

knows just when to put the kids down for a nap so she can enjoy her favorite show

provides a courtesy to her children in the restaurant when she offers a special trip to the restroom

gets tired of driving to the orthodontist, school dances, play dates, and sporting events yet does them anyway

forgets to wash that special outfit for school the next day

invades her child's Facebook account and may or may not post a sweet message about Mom on their page

tags pictures of her children on Facebook doing 'interesting' things

lets her 5 year old pick her clothes and do her own hair before taking her out in public

knows when to admit she's wrong to her children

realizes how quickly her children are growing up

gives out lots of hugs, kisses, and 'I love you's' even when they're not wanted

knows this job was assigned to her by God, and is easier with His help


Therefore I declare, "I AM A PERFECT MOM!!"





http://www.jillsavage.org/

Some Days I Just...

Want to give up. I want to throw in the towel and quit fighting because it hurts too much.

Make myself get out of bed. I am safe as long as I'm under the covers, right?

Live life to the fullest. I enjoy every moment and do things I really enjoy!

Cry. Some days are just like that.

Spend the day at home. I enjoy my family and my safe haven.

Hang out with a friend. I value my relationships with others.

Go on a date with my husband. My marriage is important and my husband deserves some undivided attention from me.

Clean the house in a way that no one notices. When I clean out containers or change clothes by seasons it always makes a bigger mess! :P

Grieve my losses. Sometimes I take the time to remember those I've lost and how I'll never be the same again because I don't have them here anymore.

Imagine the future. What will my girls do when they grow up? Where will we live?

Obsess over problems. I'm terrible at dieting. I'm too emotional. I'm just too tired.

Go shopping. You know, it's like therapy, but I usually end up buying stuff for my girls more than myself.

Watch movies or read books. It's fun to imagine a different kind of world and use my imagination.

Write. For years I've pondered the idea of writing a book to be published, but I don't know where I'd start. I also have several things I'd write about so I don't know what I'd pick either.

Pray. Some of my best moments come from talking to my Heavenly Father. He is the only one who hears my heart and knows my intentions.

My Desire

I feel like wind blown branches of a tall Southern pine.
Lord, strengthen me in every way.
May my character reflect the that of my Savior.
I will not stray from the Words you have given,
Inspired by You and given to men,
Men YOU chose.
Choose me to be just as trustworthy.
I will fail,
But will always get back up
repentant and recommitted.
Society will not define my faith
nor false teachers leading their own paths.
My voice will not fade as I defend the Word
knowing that it is powerful, life saving, and never changing.
Here I am,
willing to do what you've called me to do
who you've called me to be.
It is sacrifice.
If it isn't, then it's not living fully for You.
Use me to bless others,
to share Your gospel,
and please keep me strong and unmovable
with an legacy to leave behind
so I may be like the strong trunk of a live oak.