A Look Back at My 2011

Honestly I am the person that does not like to rush time by. I know that life is short, but I am ready to kick 2011 to the past. I've been waiting for a long time to see this year go. Perhaps this has been the most challenging year for me, but I also am going to note the positives.

January:
Another birthday came and went for me. I really didn't look forward to ringing in the new year knowing what would lie ahead.

February:
GEM celebrated her 4th birthday! Sean and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary on Valentine's Day. 3 days later I lost my grandmother and drove myself to GA.

March:
EMM celebrated her 9th birthday! I was blessed to go to Hearts at Home with friends for the 3rd time.

April:
We had bad flooding here with much of downtown submerged. We celebrated the resurrection of our Savior!

May:
Mother's Day was rough. :( School kept me really busy though. EMM sang her first solo in the spring program! She also did her first big project on penguins for Academic Night!

June:
School's out!! HEM and I went with my school through American Christian Tours to Washington, DC. It was incredible (and hot!). My husband celebrated another birthday!

July:
I directed my last Vacation Bible School (for now). My husband left for Ft. Rucker for his Warrant Officer school.

August:
My husband graduated at Ft. Rucker! The girls and I (and Sean's mom) were able to go and I even got to participate in the pinning ceremony. Another school year began with a wonderful class!

September:
HEM celebrated her 13th birthday! HEM began participating in marching band and volleyball.

October:
I attended the Emmaus 75th reunion and enjoyed seeing friends from many years ago! I said good-bye to my mentor as she and her husband moved (but not too far).

November:
My grandmother would have been 86 on the 7th. Our family enjoyed Thanksgiving with my Dubuque family this year.

December:
Shopping, Christmas programs, and lots of yummy treats! Blessed with Christmas, but sad that for the first time in my life I could not tell my grandmother 'merry Christmas'. After being unemployed for a while, my dad got a job!

I look forward to what 2012 will bring for me and my family. There will still be some hard times ahead, but I trust the Lord will bring me through it and give me back some of the happiness I've lost. Thanks to all my family and friends that have helped me through 2011! Many blessings to all of you and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

While You Are Sleeping

While you are sleeping I often reminisce of days gone by.
My memories hold you in high esteem.
The world will not stop for me to to prolong any time
I continue on my path that is now without you.

My journey is not yet complete
I will continue to leave my mark just as you left yours
So that when my time comes to rest
Someone will remember me as fondly as I remember you.

When my time comes to sleep as you do
I look forward to waking up and seeing you, sweet lady, and so many more.
Until such time I will work hard to make you proud
Of what I continue to accomplish were you not sleeping now.



"Now I say this, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Behold, I tell you a mystery; we will not all sleep, but we will all be changed..."
1 Corinthians 15:50-51

The View From Here

An emptiness remains where you use to be.
The conversations
Visits
Advice
Laughs
And memories shared

I do not wish to fill the void.
Nothing can fill it.

Your celebration must be grand
with no more trails of sorrow or sickness.
No more longings for what you yourself lost.
Your reunions are spectacular!
Your dreams come to full realization.
Surrounded by holiness and majesty.

Someday I will reunite with you as well.
I know you'll be waiting
but my time is not now.
Until then the void will remain.
I will walk this journey with those I still have.
The conversations
Visits
Advice
Laughs
And memories shared will be passed on.
Always accompanied by tears
but never with regrets.

Being Mom to a Teenager

This is a record for me! Blogging two days in a row!

I just had to share how funny I find it to be a mom of a teenage daughter.

1. Her time in the bathroom has increased tenfold!
2. She can't pronounce "mom" the same way anymore. It comes out more like "moooom".
3. She has forgotten how to clean up behind herself.
4. Suddenly the opinion of how I dress has changed. I used to be beautiful. Now I need to stay in style.
5. She is worried that I purchased matching pajamas for her and her sisters this Christmas.
6. Her Christmas list is half as long now, but everything on it costs twice as much.
7. She has to look good everywhere we go now.
8. She makes these weird distorted faces when I tell her my opinions.
9. What's cool to her is patterned duct tape and colored pens.
10. I can't kiss her in public anymore.

What's really cool about being a mom of a teenage daughter:
1. She tells me everything.
2. I know I'll look good leaving the house if she sees me first.
3. Being silly together.
4. Enjoying the same movies together.
5. She can cook and clean!
6. She's a great big sister.
7. She still likes to hug me and cuddle up on the couch with me.
8. Seeing her grow into a beautiful young lady.
9. Watching her grow in her faith and love for Christ.
10. She is learning how to earn and spend her OWN money. :)

I am enjoying this stage! I'm so thankful for each of my girls and the lessons I learn in parenting along the way! God has blessed me so richly.

And Life Goes On...

I wish I thought to blog just a part of the thoughts that come to my mind. Yet in this season of life I find it difficult to take time away from my kids to do so. Since my last blog (WAY back in July) I have celebrated my oldest becoming a teen, been part of the pinning ceremony for my husband, now a warrant officer, almost come half-way through another school year, and continued to struggle with the grieving of my grandmother.

I prepare to finish wrapping the gifts to place under the tree tonight. My children seem to be my only motivation these days as Christmas approaches. Many days I feel like I'm in a dark and lonely place. It feels like the pain will never end. I've had so few people in my life that I completely trusted and loved with all of my heart. I am trying to stay focused on the real reason of the holidays. My 4 year old is the one constantly commenting about Jesus' birthday and how important it was for Him to be born a baby so He could save us. I love to see the world through her eyes.

I don't know many people who have dealt with grief. I wonder how fine the line is between grief and depression. So few know my battle, I can't believe I even mention it here. Sadly, no one even mentions her much anymore. I guess I look fine from the outside. The most unfortunate thing that has come from my loss has probably been realizing how self-focused everyone really is. I have truly appreciated those that have been there for me, and I know I was very clear about my relationship with my grandmother to all that were around me but people forget. I have a friend that lost her mother this year. I know she also will have a hard Christmas. The holidays are hard without the people you love. This year I plan to stay in my home with my family. I don't care to venture out or celebrate with anyone else. Maybe next year will be different, but right now I live one day at a time.